Your ego considers independence very important. And your ego has a very specific definition of independence - doing things your way without help from anyone else and liking it.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you consider it, the way ego wants things done is rarely how things happen in real life. But that doesn’t stop the ego from rearing its ugly head and causing a multitude of problems.
When you meet someone that sparks your desire and your heart, ego feels incredibly threatened. After all, this wouldn’t feel so good if you were really complete and whole on your own, right? So, ego puts up a fight when things are going great, and lies to you about why you’re feeling so happy. Maybe it tells you that you’re weak if you depend on someone this much. Or it tells you that if you were really truly independent, you wouldn’t need the company of another. You might begin believing that you are codependent when really, you’re just in love!
The ego has many tricks up their sleeve when it comes to keeping things exactly the way they want it. Because as far as ego is concerned, you were doing just fine before you fell in love. Now, all of a sudden, there is another person involved. And ego will attempt to convince you that you need to pull away, set boundaries, see faults that don’t exist, and tone down your feelings instead of celebrating them!
When the ego senses any dependency on another, it can react inappropriately, even violently. For this reason, a man or woman will push their romantic interest away after days, weeks, or even years of having fun and getting closer. It’s why we tend to run away from relationships and even simple friendships. Our ego wants none of ourselves to belong to or rely on anyone else.
Once you’ve been hurt by someone who has reacted this way, it is easy to believe the way to go is complete independence. It is for these reasons that many people are in search of something they call “healthy independence”, but they don’t really know what that is, or what it looks like. They distance themselves from other humans and try to remain aloof and unattached. This brings with it great spiritual and emotional pain, as we are not meant to be alone and lonely.
The key to ego and independence is to realize that the ego may have an ulterior motive and to keep reminding yourself that we need each other to survive.